A CATSmas Carol
by SnowChaser
Summary: A cute scene... Not too much of a spoof in scene 5.
1. scene 1

A Christmas Carol... CATS style!  
  
{A/N: Not original. I know, I know, but I put a twist on it... and I do NOT own anything here, except for Mittens, Sandy, Dune and Misty. The rest is credited to Webber/Eliot, as it should be! The plot is credited to Charles Dickens, the best author of all time.}  
  
Cast  
  
NARRATOR: Sandy  
  
SCROOGE: Rum Tum Tugger  
  
FRED: Pouncival  
  
BOB CRATCHIT: Munkustrap  
  
The GENTLEMEN: Bustopher Jones and Tumblebrutus  
  
MARLEY'S GHOST: MaCavity  
  
The Ghost of Christmas PAST: Bombalurina  
  
FRAN: Victoria  
  
The SCHOOLMASTER: Bustopher  
  
FEZZYWIG: Skimbleshanks  
  
CLARA: Etcetera  
  
Ghost of Christmas PRESENT: Old Deuteronomy  
  
MRS. CRATCHIT: Demeter  
  
MARTHA: Electra  
  
TINY TIM: Mittens  
  
The CRATCHIT CHILDREN: Dune, Misty and Victoria  
  
the REVELERS: Brutus, Etcetera, Gus, Asparagus, Jennyanydots, Jellyorum, and the STAGE HANDS.  
  
IGNORANCE AND WANT: MaCavity's henchmen  
  
The Ghost of Christmas YET TO COME: Mistofflees (for reasons yet to be revealed)  
  
The Shilling BOY: Plato  
  
DIRECTOR: Alonzo  
  
PRODUCER: MungoJerrie  
  
STAGE MANAGER: Cassandra  
  
COSTUMES: RumpleTeazer  
  
SET: Exotica  
  
PROPS: Jemima  
  
STAGE HANDS: Jerrie, Teazer, Cassie, Lonzo, Exotica, Jemima, Tantomille, Coricopat & MaCavity's henchmen  
  
SCENE 1: Introductions among other things  
  
(The lights come up on a still curtained stage as a small queen slinks out. She is a pale sandy brown in color with blue eyes. Her forepaws are white half-way up her legs, as is her chest. This is of course SANDY, the narrator of the play.)  
  
SANDY: (quoting from a book) "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."  
  
ALONZO: (off-stage) CUT! Sandy, that's the wrong book!  
  
SANDY: It is? (runs off-stage)  
  
ALONZO: (off-stage) Oh, nevermind! Just go to page 320 and you'll find it.  
  
SANDY: (walking onstage with a book) MaCavity was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker and the chief mourner. Tugger signed it. And Tugger's name was good upon 'Change for anything he chose to put his hand to. MaCavity was as dead as a doornail. Tugger knew he was dead? Of course he did. They were partners for many years. Tugger was MaCavity's sole executor, sole friend, and sole mourner. But even Tugger wasn't moved when he died; he went back to work that very day. This only serves to back my point... MaCavity was undoubtedly dead. Tugger never painted out MaCavity's name... it stayed on the sign for years afterwards. Tugger and MaCavity. That was all it was known as. Tugger would answer to both names; nothing mattered to him.  
  
ALONZO: (OFF-STAGE) She's good, isn't she?!  
  
SANDY: (cont) He was a tight-fisted creature, Tugger was! He'd do anything to strike a good deal... anything to satisfy his lust for money and fame. He felt not heat, nor cold, such a creature he was. Nothing fazed him; nobody would touch him, plain and simple. But did he care? No... he actually seemed to enjoy it! Nobody cared for him... nobody messed with him. A fine existence. Until one day... Well, why don't I say this correctly? Once upon a Christmas Eve...  
  
(the lights fade away and the curtain opens as SANDY walks off stage. MUNKUSTRAP sits at a desk with a pitiful fire in the hearth. TUGGER sits behind him, not in the least bit cold. POUNCIVAL knocks at the door and enters from stage right.)  
  
POUNCE: A merry Christmas, uncle! God save you!  
  
TUGGER: Bah... Who cares?  
  
POUNCE: Christmas... not cared about? You can't be serious, uncle!  
  
TUGGER: I am. Merry Christmas? What has that done for you?  
  
POUNCE: Don't be cross, uncle.  
  
TUGGER: What else should I be? Why, if I had my way, every fool who utters merry Christmas would be hung and buried with a stake of mistletoe through their heart. It won't make you richer, my dear Pouncival... why would it be good if it were so?  
  
POUNCE: Uncle!  
  
TUGGER: Pouncival, keep Christmas the way you want, and I'll keep it the way I want. Good bye.  
  
POUNCE: Uncle... (he calls, but then turns to leave. as he passes MUNKUSTRAP) Merry Christmas, Munk my dear fellow!  
  
MUNK: And a happy new year as well, sir!  
  
(the stage goes dark as the next scene is set up... END scene 1) 


	2. scene 2

{A/N: Many apologies to everyone who picked up on the typos in the last scene. I thought I'd edited it, but I hadn't. Once again. I don't own anyone here except for Sandy, Mittens, Misty and Dune.but I wish I owned Tugger. because he's so darn cute! To those who reviewed this, please, I'm begging you, read this scene!}  
  
SCENE 2  
  
(during the blackout, you hear a lot of confusion. ALONZO is shouting at everybody, CASSANDRA is preening. SANDY gets stepped on, and she protests violently. MISTOFFLEES appears in a flash of light and lights the whole stage.)  
  
ALL: Mistofflees!  
  
MISTO: Whoops. wrong act. (he manages to look innocent)  
  
ALONZO: Electra! Dim the lights!!  
  
(the stage goes dark again, and we hear ALONZO yell "Action" from off- stage. The lights open on the same scene, only two "gentlecats" stand there. BUSTOPHER is wearing his typical attire, but a black trench coat covers everything. TUMBLEBRUTUS is wearing a cowboy outfit.)  
  
TUMBLE: (aside to BUSTOPHER) Why am I in a cowboy suit?  
  
BUSTOPHER: (ignoring him) Tugger and MaCavity's I believe. Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr. Tugger or Mr. MaCavity?  
  
TUGGER: MaCavity's been dead for seven years. He died this very night, seven years past.  
  
BUSTOPHER: We've no doubt that his liability.  
  
ALONZO: Cut! Bustopher, it's "liberality" not liability!  
  
BUSTOPHER: Quite right, old chap! Sorry. (turning back to TUGGER) We've no doubt that his liberality is well-represented by his surviving henchman.  
  
TUGGER: You mean partner.  
  
BUSTOPHER: (clearing his throat) Partner then.  
  
TUGGER: (deliberately slow) I don't believe I took this job. I took it to get money! I was starving, I tell you, starving on the streets with no money to buy food. I came here to get food and shelter.  
  
ALONZO: Cut! Tugger. (TUGGER sulks, but shuts up)  
  
BUSTOPHER: (giving TUGGER a disapproving look) We'd like to ask you to contribute to the poor. What shall I put you down for, kind sir?  
  
TUGGER: Nothing. BUSTOPHER: You wish to remain anonymous?  
  
TUGGER: I wish to be left alone, old fool. I don't make merry at Christmas.and I certainly do not make others happy. Send them to a workhouse or a shelter; I have no time for them.  
  
TUMBLE: But they'd rather die than go there.  
  
TUGGER: If they'd rather die then they will, cowboy. Now mosey along, little cowpoke, and take the blimp with you.  
  
BUSTOPHER: Well I never.!  
  
TUMBLE: It's okay, Bustopher. Let's go home. He doesn't want to help us anyway.  
  
TUGGER: good day, gentlemen.  
  
(BUSTOPHER and TUMBLEBRUTUS exit. MUNKUSTRAP looks up with a disapproving stare at TUGGER.)  
  
TUGGER: What?  
  
MUNK: Nothing. Umm. sir. tomorrow is Christmas. and.  
  
TUGGER: Lemme guess, you need the whole day off? (MUNK nods once, almost timid) Oh, fine. You can have the whole day. but I expect you here early the next day, understand?!  
  
MUNK: Yes, of course. It's very kind of you to.  
  
TUGGER: (interrupting him) Go on. go home.  
  
MUNK: (in a whisper as he walks off stage) Merry Christmas, Mr. Tugger.  
  
(the lights once again dim as scene 2 comes to a close) 


	3. scene 3

{A/N: This scene is, in my opinion, adorable. Now... in this I'm NOT insinuating anything between Misto and Sandy. Sandy is a flirt who happens to flirt with Misto. Don't worry... although the ending might annoy Bomba/Tugger fans. Once more, I own nothing except for my own chars.)  
  
SCENE 3  
  
(once more, confusion sets in. SANDY'S voice carries over, and it's clear TUGGER is flirting with her. MISTY is trying to help the stage crew with disastrous results. MISTOFLEES is whistling to himself, and flirting slightly with SANDY, who has freed herself of the other flirt. ALONZO yells "Action" as the confusion dies down.)  
  
(SANDY enters again with the book. This time she has a little sprig of mistletoe behind one ear and a scarf around her neck. Off-stage you hear everyone chiding MISTO, who makes no response.)   
  
SANDY: So Tugger left, had his usual dinner at his usual tavern, went back to catch up on his business, and left for home. (the lights fade on her, coming up on TUGGER alone in a courtyard.)  
  
TUGGER: (muttering to himself) What the-…  
  
(his eyes are wide and he looks freaked out. MISTO and SANDY giggle from off-stage… obviously they are together. TUGGER ignores them and looks at MaCavity with an odd expression. The audience cannot see his face in the knocker, but TUGGER does and makes it evident. He opens the door, looks both ways and slinks into the house. There is the briefest blackout, and he is in his bedroom, which looks like the Elephant Room from Moulin Rouge.)  
  
ALONZO: (off-stage) Not again!  
  
TUGGER: (in a semi-audible monologue) Join my play, he said. I'll make you a star, he said. But then I get stuck with that dame Sandy… who doesn't like me at all… but likes Misto… and I get no one… (he stops when the sound of chains is heard. Every bell goes off, and TUGGER looks incredibly freaked out. Suddenly his door flies open and MaCavity stalks in. He is surrounded by an eerie light.)  
  
TUGGER: Who-what--- what do you want with me?  
  
MACAVITY: Much!  
  
TUGGER: Who are you?  
  
MACAVITY: Who was I, you mean. In life I was your partner, MaCavity.   
  
TUGGER: Can you-would you like to sit down?  
  
MACAVITY: (getting his meaning after standing stupidly for a few moments of silence) I can, and I will.  
  
TUGGER: Do it, then…?  
  
MACAVITY: You don't believe in me.  
  
TUGGER: No, I don't.  
  
MACAVITY: Why?  
  
TUGGER: Because… you're not real. You're simply a figment of my imagination… sent to annoy me and frighten me. There's nothing logical to explain this. It's all nonsense!  
  
MACAVITY: (emitting a cry, he unties a bandage. Flowers fall out, along with his jaw.)  
  
SANDY: (off-stage to MISTO) Did you do that?  
  
MISTO: Who else would? (both giggle as TUGGER falls out of his chair)  
  
TUGGER: What do you want with me??? (quivering voice)  
  
MACAVITY: Do you believe in me or not?   
  
TUGGER: (grabbing his tail) I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks….  
  
ALONZO: That's the wrong line!  
  
SANDY: (flirting with MISTO) It's the wrong play… that's from "The Wizard of Oz".  
  
MISTO: If we do that one, can I be the wizard, Alonzo?  
  
ALONZO: Whatever (really tired of this.)  
  
MACAVITY: (who froze in place while a fire engine screeched by) I am here, Tugger, to offer you a chance to escape my fate. This chain… I crated it while I lived, turning a deaf ear to the cries of the poor. But you… you may yet be spared of this terrible fate.   
  
TUGGER: You always were a good friend, MaCavity.   
  
MACAVITY: (glaring at TUGGER, who glares back) You will be visited by three spirits. Expect the first when the bell tolls one. Expect the second when the bell tolls one the next night. Expect the third…  
  
TUGGER: When the bell tolls twelve the next night, right?  
  
MACAVITY: Yes. My time is gone. Farewell, Tugger. (he disappears in a flash of brilliant blue light. MISTO laughs, followed by SANDY'S giggle.)  
  
TUGGER: Macavity's not there!  
  
ALONZO: (off stage, slapping his forehead) Not again!!!!!!   
  
(blackout) 


	4. scene 4

{A/N: Scene 4 already? Yes indeed. This is one of the random scenes; it involves my friend Steve and his own spoof which will soon be published on ff.net. Now, just to be nice to my reviewers:  
  
Captain Amelia: Thank you for revewing me! I'm glad you enjoyed my adaptation of Dicken's wonderful characters!  
  
Windsong: I'm glad you liked it! There shall be MANY scenes to follow!  
  
kakkoii: You're nuts. You really, really are... but I love you!!!!!! Everyone, this is Dune in this story! *squeeze*  
  
Ren: Thank you! And thanks for wishing me luck... cuz I'll need it!  
  
Once more, I don't own these guys... but I wish I did. STAR WARS is credited to Lucas... and Steve is credited to himself!}  
  
SCENE 4  
  
(SANDY walks on stage, swaying slightly. She looks exhausted, and her fur is rumpled. MISTO pops his head around the curtain, looking just as tired, but content. both obviously got into the catnip recently. The curtain opens to reveal the generator room from Star Wars I. ANAKIN is weeping for his mentor.)  
  
SANDY: Hey, are you alright?  
  
ANAKIN: (looking up) Ohmygod! Talking cats!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (he runs off screaming)  
  
STEVE: (racing in wearing a flight suit) Hey, have you seen my guest? He was supposed to be waiting here for me…  
  
SANDY: Sorry, Steve. If it was Anakin, he ran away.  
  
STEVE: What?! NOOOO! Now I don't have a guest!   
  
MISTO: (leaping on stage) Want me to be your guest? I'll be your guest! Pick me! Pick me! (waving his paws)  
  
LUKE SKYWALKER: (walking in with a light saber) You killed my daddy! DIE!! (swings the saber at STEVE'S head)  
  
STEVE: Hey! Wanna be my guest?  
  
LS: (pausing) Uh…  
  
STEVE: Great! Come on! (STEVE pulls LUKE behind him. MISTO sulks)  
  
MISTO: Not fair!!!!  
  
(VADER walks into the scene)  
  
VADER: Now I can kill the kitties!!!! (acting like he's totally nuts)  
  
SANDY: uh-oh… Everybody run!!!!  
  
LUKE: (running over) DADDY! You're not dead!!!! (starts trying to hug VADER, who tries to push him away)  
  
STEVE: (chasing LUKE) Come back! Lori won't hurt you again!!!! ANAKIN!!!!! Great, you made it! (grabs LUKE and VADER)  
  
ALONZO: (coming onstage for the first time in the play) Alright, people. We'll continue this tomorrow… I think we've all had enough.  
  
(CHEWBACCA races by, chased by a petite girl with dark blond hair and brown eyes. SANDY giggles and joins in. MISTO looks rejected and walks off sulking. TUGGER and MACAVITY are having a heated argument. MUNKUSTRAP looks like he just wants to go home. DEMETER and BOMBALURINA are flirting with all the TOMS. ALONZO trots away calmly, and the scene goes dark. Vaguely, sounds are heard as the cast leaves gradually. CHEWIE races through the audience, and finds that he is alone. End day 1) 


	5. scene 4 the real one

DAY 2  
  
SCENE 1  
  
(ALONZO is perched on the edge of the stage, purring as CASSANDRA scratches behind one ear. MISTO and SANDY come in together, followed by a sulky TUGGER. BOMBA and DEMETER follow MUNKUSTRAP and POUNCIVAL in. Gradually, everyone gets there, except RUMPLETEAZER.)  
  
ALONZO: Where's RumpleTeazer?  
  
SANDY: Last I saw her was last night...  
  
ALONZO: You mean we lost Teazer?! (the CAST gives him a weird look as TEAZER leaps on stage, wearing, of all things, a flight suit. And a rather large supply of ammo.)  
  
TEAZER: Hahaha! Lookit what oi got last night!  
  
SANDY: Where?  
  
TEAZER: Ummm... (the cast turns to ALONZO, who looks annoyed)  
  
ALONZO: There you are. Okay, people. Let's have a better rehearsal today, shall we? (the CAST nods agreement.) Take it from where we left off.  
  
(the CAST returns backstage, as the theatre gets dark.)  
  
SCENE 4 (The real scene four)  
  
(the curtains open on the Elephant Room set from Moulin Rouge once more, but ALONZO doesn't say a word. TUGGER is curled up, sleeping soundly on the bed, purring softly. BOMBA walks in as a bell off stage tolls one. TUGGER wakes up, and stares at BOMBA)  
  
TUGGER: Hi, Bomba.  
  
BOMBA: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.  
  
TUGGER: No your not... you're my favorite queen.  
  
BOMBA: I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past you idiot!  
  
TUGGER: No.  
  
BOMBA: Yes!  
  
TUGGER: No!  
  
(20 minutes later)  
  
TUGGER: I give up!!!! (he storms off stage, leaving a triumphant BOMBA looking bewildered)  
  
BOMBA: Tugger? Oh, c'mon! Stop acting like a kit!  
  
ALONZO: Cut! Bomba, be nice to Tugger. Tugger, she's not Bomba for the play, deal? (both nod sulkily, and TUGGER resumes his place.) Action!  
  
BOMBA: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!  
  
TUGGER: What is your purpose here?  
  
BOMBA: To reclaim your kindness, Tugger. Come: Rise and walk with me.  
  
TUGGER: Sure... whatever you say. (he gets up and circles BOMBA, who purrs softly.)  
  
BOMBA: This way...  
  
(quick blackout as the scene changes. MISTO and SANDY are on stage when the lights come up)  
  
ALONZO: What the-?  
  
CASSIE: Sorry, Alonzo. We needed people to set the scene. (ALONZO lets out a strangled cry of fury, but let's them proceed.)  
  
MISTO: Merry Christmas, Sandy!  
  
SANDY: Merry Christmas, Misto! (the two reluctantly part, each going to a different side of the stage. TUGGER looks suddenly sad, BOMBA notices and gives him a very female look as she speaks.)  
  
BOMBA: There's still one kit left in the schoolhouse.  
  
TUGGER: I know... I know... (they walk into the schoolhouse where a tiny fluff ball sits)  
  
BOMBA: Awwww, you were so cute!!!!!!!  
  
TUGGER: Oh, hush up!  
  
BOMBA: But you were!!!! (the fluff ball is a miniature version of TUGGER, ruff and all. VICTORIA races onstage, but as a kitten)  
  
VICKI: I've come to bring you home, dear brother! To bring you home, home, home!  
  
Young TUGGER: Home, little Vicki?  
  
VICKI: Yes, home! Home for good and for all! Home forever and ever! Father is so much kinder now! And you're to be a tom! And never come back here!  
  
YT: You're quite a queen, little Vicki! (the scene gets blurry, as if fading away)  
  
BOMBA: Always a delicate creature, wasn't she? (TUGGER nods sadly) She died a queen, and had kittens, I think.  
  
TUGGER: Yes... she had one.  
  
BOMBA: True... your nephew, Pouncival! (TUGGER nods, but then looks bewildered as SKIMBLESHANKS laughs)  
  
TUGGER: Why, it's old Skimble alive again!  
  
SKIMBLE: Tugger! Jerrie! (A young TUGGER and MUNGOJERRIE walk out. Off stage, ALONZO gives a cry of fury but lets them do it anyway) Let's have these shutters barred, my lads!  
  
young TUGGER: Let's go! (they charge offstage and board up the windows. They return, panting for breath)  
  
SKIMBLE: Well done, my lads! (the scene shifts to a dance scene. To save time, everyone dances, and then the scene gets blurry once more)  
  
BOMBA: it's a small thing to make people such as these merry, is it not?  
  
TUGGER: What?  
  
BOMBA: Well?  
  
TUGGER: He... he made us happy, spirit. That is worth more than gold...  
  
BOMBA: (looking him over) Quick! My time grows short!  
  
(the lights come up on another Young TUGGER, this one in ETCETERA'S grip)  
  
CETY: It matters little, to you very little. Another idol has displaced me.  
  
YT: How now? What idol has replaced you?  
  
CETY: A golden one.  
  
YT: Darling...  
  
CETY: You fear the world too much. Our pact is an old one.  
  
YT: I meant it...  
  
CETY: But you wouldn't pursue me now, would you, Tugger? (she's crying softly)  
  
YT: (pausing) You think not...  
  
CETY: I know not. May you... be happy with the life you've chosen! (she clings tighter, but young TUGGER pushes her away subtly)  
  
TUGGER: Remove me from here, spirit! Haunt me no longer!! (he grabs trash can and puts it over BOMBA upside-down) 


	6. scene 5

{A/N: Spikeness!!!!! ~clingz to Steve~ Anywho. thanks much for the review. and before I forget. ~throws paint all over Steve~ HAHAHA! For anyone who wants to, please IM me @ ebonyraven12345 to join the paint war!}  
  
SCENE 5  
  
(the stage descends into darkness again. SANDY is calling MISTO softly, he doesn't respond. MUNK is pacing frantically, as is ALONZO. Finally, the lights come up again on TUGGER'S bedroom.)  
  
TUGGER: What the- (the bell strikes one, and a crack of light is on the stage. TUGGER gets up to investigate)  
  
OLD D: Come in! Come in! (sounding jolly)  
  
TUGGER: (to himself) At least one of us is happy! (he does as he's told. OLD D is sitting up, looking quite happy on a mountain of Christmas dinner... leftovers, that is!)  
  
OLD D: Come! And know me better, tom! I am the ghost of Christmas Present!  
  
TUGGER: (under his breath) You're my father, idiot! (OLD D rolls his eyes)  
  
OLD D: You've never seen the like of me before? Never walked forth with my brothers and sisters?  
  
TUGGER: I doubt it. Why, do you have a lot of them?  
  
OLD D: Over eighteen hundred.  
  
TUGGER: Wow... your parents were "busy"... (OLD D glares at TUGGER, who glares back) Conduct me where you will.  
  
OLD D: Yes... the sooner this is over, the better. (both give each other a mock glare) Touch my robe! (TUGGER does so as the scene blacks out.)  
  
SCENE 5  
  
(Once more, confusion has set in. ALONZO is shouting at the top of his lungs for quiet, MISTO and SANDY are trying to stop a fight between MACAVITY and MUNKUSTRAP. CASSANDRA trips and falls headlong into ALONZO, which makes his day and shuts him up. VICTORIA realizes nobody's paying attention to her and pounces DEMETER. Finally, SANDY and MISTO get them all to settle down, ALONZO yells "action" and the lights come up on MUNKUSTRAPS home. DEMETER is there, as are the CRACHIT'S.)  
  
DEMETER: Where is your precious father, then? And your brother, Mittens? And Electra wasn't nearly so late last year!  
  
MISTY: Here's Electra, mother!  
  
VICKI and DUNE: Here's Electra, mother! Hurrah! There's such goose, Electra!  
  
DEMETER: Electra, dear, you're so cold! And so late!  
  
ELECTRA: I'm sorry, mother! We'd a deal of work to finish last night and had to clear away this morning!  
  
DEMETER: Well! Never mind, so long as you're here. Warm yourself by the fire.  
  
VICKI and DUNE: No, no! There's father coming! Hide, Electra! Hide! (ELECTRA runs into a closet as MUNKUSTRAP enters with MITTENS on his shoulder.)  
  
MUNK: Why, where's our Electra?  
  
DEMETER: Not coming. (she lifts MITTENS from his father's shoulder)  
  
MUNK: Not coming? Not coming home for Christmas? (he looks quite crest- fallen, with huge puppy eyes)  
  
ELECTRA: (flinging herself into MUNKS arms) Father! (the two embrace and MUNK swings her around. VICKI and DUNE take MITTENS off-stage)  
  
DEMETER: And how did little Mittens behave?  
  
MUNK: As good as gold... and better! He told me, on our way home, that he hoped people had seen him in church, to remember that it was Jesus who made the lame walk and the blind see.  
  
DEMETER: Well now, let's have our supper! (the family sits down as the three kits return. MUNK says a quick blessing, and they all begin to eat)  
  
MUNK: A merry Christmas to us al, my dears! God bless us!  
  
MITTENS: God bless us, every one!  
  
TUGGER: (who was standing to the side the whole time) Spirit... tell me if Mittens will live.  
  
OLD D: I see an empty seat in the corner, and a crutch carefully preserved. If these shadows remain un-altered by the future... the kit will die.  
  
TUGGER: No, no! Oh, no, kind spirit! Say he'll be spared!  
  
OLD D: If these shadows remain unaltered, none of my kind will find him here. What, then? If he's going to die, then he will, cowboy! (TUGGER looks ashamed; he recognizes his own words) Tom, if tom you be in heart, will you decide who lives or dies? Can you change their fate? (TUGGER looks about to cry as MUNK speaks)  
  
MUNK: Mr. Tugger! I give you the founder of the feast!  
  
DEMETER: Founder of the feast indeed! I wish I had him here! I'd give him a piece of my mind!  
  
MUNK: Darling! Christmas day...  
  
DEMETER: I'll drink to his health for your sake, Munkustrap, not for him. (the scene fades away, and TUGGER finds himself standing in POUNCIVALS home, bewildered)  
  
POUNCE: HAHAHHAHA! He said Christmas was a waste of time too!  
  
CETTY: More shame for him then, Pounce!  
  
POUNCE: He's a comical old fellow... but, really, I think he rather likes me. He's more pleasant when I'm around.  
  
CETTY: I'm sure he's very rich... at least, you always tell me he is.  
  
POUNCE: What good is his money to him? He won't be blessing us with it I'm sure!  
  
CETTY: I have no patience with him.  
  
POUNCE: Oh, I have! Think, Etcetera, who does he harm? Himself, not us! Therefore I shall continue to bless him!  
  
CETTY: Well... at least we know he's losing out on a wonderful meal.  
  
POUNCE: I'm glad to hear it, for I have no faith in these young housekeepers. Come! We shall dine! (the scene fades slightly, only to brighten again as the whole company of REVELERS are starting a new game)  
  
TUGGER: Oh, please, don't let's go yet! Here's a new game! Only a half-hour more, spirit! (looking like a pleading kitten)  
  
OLD D: (sighing) Fine...  
  
POUNCE: I'm thinking of a person, place or thing. I can only answer yes or no... who's the first to ask?  
  
GUS: Is it living?  
  
POUNCE: Yes.  
  
ASPARAGUS: Is it an animal?  
  
POUNCE: Yes.  
  
JENNY: Is it a bear?  
  
POUNCE: No.  
  
JELLY: A cat?  
  
POUNCE: Yes...  
  
JENNY: (after a silence) I've got it, Pounce! It's your uncle Tugger!!!!!  
  
POUNCE: Indeed... it is!  
  
GUS: I daresay you should have said it was a bear, Pouncival.  
  
POUNCE: He has given us much merriment, I shouldn't wonder! Let's drink to his health. And may he be having a wonderful Christmas, wherever he is! (the REVELERS drink after him)  
  
TUGGER; Thank you... thank you very much... very very much! (OLD D shuts him up)  
  
OLD D: Look upon me...  
  
TUGGER: Are spirits' lives so short?  
  
OLD D: My life ends this very night at midnight.  
  
TUGGER: Midnight!  
  
OLD D: Hark! My time draws to an end.  
  
TUGGER: I beg your pardon... but I see something strange and not belonging to yourself beneath your robe. It appears to be a claw...  
  
OLD D: It might be a claw, for the flesh upon it. Look here! (he ushers two of MACAVITYS HENCHMEN into the light)  
  
TUGGER: Spirit! Are they... are they yours?  
  
OLD D: They are everyone's. This tom is Ignorance. This queen is Want. Beware them both, but the tom most of all, for I see destruction written upon his brow.  
  
TUGGER: Have they no refuge?  
  
OLD D: Are there no prisons or workhouses? 


	7. scene 6

{A/N: I thought I'd NEVER finish this! However, this is the final scene! The curtain call shall follow. very funny too.}  
  
(the bell tolls twelve as the spirit vanishes. A hooded figure starts creeping closer as SANDY leaps onstage)  
  
SANDY: Beware the third and final ghost, Tugger! He knows what has not come to pass! (she goes to exit, but purrs as she rubs against the phantom. MISTO peeps his head out of the hood and licks her.)  
  
ALONZO: (off-stage) Misto! Sandy! Keep your flirting off stage, willya!?  
  
MISTO: Sorry! (SANDY runs off as he readjusts his hood and points)  
  
TUGGER: Have I come into the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Future? (MISTO nods) GHOST OF THE FUTURE! I fear you more than the others I have walked with... but your business is to help me, and I accept it with a grateful heart. Will you not speak to me? (MISTO points) Lead on! Time grows... short, does it not? (MISTO points to a small group of men, including BUSTOPHER and TUMBLE)  
  
BUSTOPHER: When did he die?  
  
JERRIE: Lass noight OI believe.  
  
BUSTOPHER: What was the matter with him? I thought he'd never die!  
  
JERRIE: God knows!  
  
TUGGER: Yes... I see, spirit. The case of this unfortunate man might have been my own... MERCY! Where are we? (the scene has changed to a dark room with a corpse lying on a bed. TUGGER looks bewildered as SANDY creeps on stage again.)  
  
SANDY: Oh cold, cold, rigid, dreadful death, set up thine altar here, and dress it with such terrors as thou hast at thy command, for this is thine dominion! But of the loved, revered, and honored head, thou canst not turn one hair to thy dread purposes, or make one feature odious. It is not the hand that is heavy, nor that the heart and pulse are still; but that the hand was open, generous, and true, the heart brave, warm and tender, and the pulse a man's. Strike, shadow, strike! And see his good deeds springing forth from the wound, to sow the world with life immortal! (in a somber tone... and as she's wearing a black hooded cape, the effect on TUGGER is instant fear)  
  
TUGGER: Spirit! This is a fearful place. In leaving it, I shall not forget what it teaches. (MISTO still points at the head) I understand you... but I cannot remove the sheet! I have not the power. Let me see some tenderness connected with a death... or that room will forever haunt me! (the scene changes... to the dwelling of MUNKUSTRAP.)  
  
DEMETER: (laying aside a sewing of black cloth) The color hurts my eyes.  
  
SANDY: (softly from stage right) The color? Oh... poor Mittens...  
  
DEMETER: They're better now. My eyes are weak by candle light, and I wouldn't show your father weak eyes for all the gold in the world. (MUNKUSTRAP enters, and VICKI, MISTY and DUNE all go to his side, snuggling close to comfort him.)  
  
MUNKUSTRAP: Demeter, darling, it would do you good to see how green a place it is. But you'll see it often. I promised him I'd walk there upon a Sunday. Oh, my kit! My little, little kit! (he starts to cry as the scene blacks out)  
  
TUGGER: Specter... something informs me that our parting moment is now at hand. Tell me who the man was lying dead. (MISTO points towards a certain tombstone that has appeared before them as the scene changed.) Before I go, spirit... answer me one question. Are these shadows of things that will befall, or things that may befall? (MISTO keeps pointing, and the stone lights up saying "The Rum Tum Tugger") AM I that corpse upon the bed? (MISTO points from the stone to TUGGER, then back again) No, spirit! No! Hear me! I am not the cat I was! Why do you show me this if I am past all hope?! I will live in the past, the present, and the future! The spirits of all three will strive within me! Only tell me that I might sponge away the words of this stone! (MISTO disappears in a flash of light, as the whole stage lights up.)  
  
MISTO: Presto!!  
  
TUGGER: (under his breath) Flashy exit... I taught him well... (normal voice now) It happened! I can live the way I was meant to!!!! Oh, MaCavity, I thank you upon my knees!  
  
SANDY: Tugger was better than his word. He did all he could for the poor, and to Mittens, who did not die, he was a second father. He was as good a man, as good a master, and as good a friend as any man that lived. And so, as Mittens observed, God bless us, every one!  
  
(final blackout) 


End file.
